Home / Performance anxiety
When sex starts
feeling like a test.
You don’t have to keep carrying the worry alone. We can talk about what happens before, during, and after the difficult moments.
It’s hard to feel close when you’re busy checking how you’re doing.
You may find yourself monitoring your body, looking for signs of disappointment, or worrying about what will happen next. Your partner may be trying to reassure you and still feel unsure what to say.
Sex can start to feel like something you have to get right. Over time, you might avoid initiating, rush through intimacy, or stop talking about it because neither of you wants another painful conversation.
Your body does not have to prove that you care.
More room to talk. Less pressure to demonstrate.
In therapy, we explore what the worry means to each of you. We can talk about expectations around erections, arousal, orgasm, or ejaculation; the reactions that follow a difficult moment; and how you want to respond to each other.
The work is collaborative. We look at the couple’s experience, including the partner who may feel unwanted or afraid of saying the wrong thing. We make room for boundaries, uncertainty, and a broader conversation about what feels connecting.
The physical side matters too.
Sexual difficulties can have physical as well as emotional contributors. New or ongoing erection concerns deserve a conversation with a medical clinician. Counseling can help address anxiety and stress when they contribute to erectile difficulties, as described by NIDDK’s guide to erectile dysfunction care.
Sex therapy here is counseling. Medical evaluation, medications, and other physical treatments belong with an appropriate health professional.
You might recognize this.
• Worrying about losing an erection before sex has begun.
• Interpreting a change in arousal as evidence that something is wrong between you.
• Feeling that orgasm is a requirement or a measure of success.
• Avoiding intimacy because another difficult moment feels unbearable.
• Trying so hard to reassure each other that the pressure grows.
Bring the conversation into the room.
You can say what has been happening without needing to decide whose fault it is. We’ll work toward understanding the pattern and finding responses that respect both of you.
I see couples in person at my Webb City office, near Joplin. Read how the sessions work or view fees and request an appointment.
NOT SURE WHERE TO BEGIN?
Find your starting point.
Try a short, private reflection on desire, comfort, and connection.
About 2 minutes · No email needed
THE PRACTICAL PART
Room for both of you.
In-person couples therapy with Shira Hearn, LMFT.
• $180 per session
• 60 minutes
• Webb City office · Joplin area
• Self-pay · No insurance billing
Keep the conversation going
A DIFFERENT CONVERSATION